KE SARA, SARA, what ever will be, will be …











{March 17, 2008}   Effective Communication

Ten Commandments Of Effective Communication

Communication can be defined as the two-way meaningful exchange of ideas, emotions, information, attitudes and, most importantly, experiences.


In this world, everyone needs to communicate. Communication is central to human existence. One starts to communicate right after birth and a child’s first cry is, perhaps, the most sought after communication. It is now well known that verbal as well as written forms of communication are but just a small percentage of the overall process and hence non-verbal communication (gestures, postures, looks, deportment, etc.) assumes greater importance. However, both are inter-related and often performed simultaneously. Also, both can be taught as well as learnt.


To make this complex yet critically important subject easy to comprehend and to make the process of communication, particularly verbal communication, more effective, ten easy to recall (user-friendly) words of day-to-day English, all starting with the letter ‘C’, have been adopted by the authors and called the Ten Commandments of Effective Communication. The readers will also come across several other commonly used words in English language, again starting with the letter ‘C’, during the course of reading this piece and elsewhere and many of you may also recall several such words which complement/supplement our Ten Commandments. Thus, the ten commandments propounded here are not the last word. Readers are advised to change, exchange, interchange these with those which suit the occasion and/or their style. The only being advocated cardinal rule here is to use only those words that begin with the letter ‘C’ for convenience and comfort.

YOU SHALL COMMUNICATE

1. CLEARLY: Whatever may be the content, unless it is delivered in a clear voice, will be an exercise in futility. The golden rule is to avoid grunts, huffs, etc. Rehearsals as well as role play helps. Use of natural accent of the speaker further adds to the clarity. (It is advisable not to assume a foreign one as then the focus is more on accent than on content). Vary tone/tenor, pitch and volume, as required by situation, to add more punch to the message you wish to convey. Avoid mumble and jumbles.

2. COHERENTLY: Besides clarity, coherent delivery of the message is perhaps as important. The cardinal rule here is to express yourself rationally & logically and, if possible, fluently. Command over the language to be used is an asset and hence in the beginning itself clarify the mode of communication to be employed . Coherence helps in making the process of communication smooth.


3. CORRECTLY: This is most important, particularly if your message includes data, figures, coordinates, etc. It is always better if you carry consult prepared notes. Thus, homework is vital. Of course, for the rest of the text/content, use appropriate words, phrases, etc. Again, as stated above, communication could be perhaps in vernacular, if not well versed with foreign language; even English.


4. CONCISELY: In most of the communication, it is always advisable to cut the bull and come straight to the point. Avoid beating about the bush. Even a humorous piece loses its punch if it is too long or has too many interruptions. To start with, define the subject clearly, albeit in brief. If possible, give a summary of what you wish to convey so that everyone remains focused on the main theme.


5. CRISPLY: If first four ‘Cs’ are followed in tandem, it becomes apparent to communicate crisply thus saving on time, effort and perhaps, money. Command over vocabulary and judicious use of phrases, helps. Crisp communiqués carry more punch and are more effective. You do not have to be curt to be crisp. Be cordial instead.

6. CREDIBLY: Credibility of the communication should be beyond doubt and it is almost synonymous to correct & coherent communication. Wherever factual information is to be conveyed and use of statistics & data is unavoidable, quote reference(s). If necessary, back-up material should be available to help you carry the day in case the credibility is in question.


7. CONVINCINGLY: Any communication can become convincing if it is delivered with a smattering of examples, case studies, experiences, role plays, etc. These should be backed up with references to establish credibility. Clarity of purpose and sincerity of the one delivering the communication apparently add to making the communication more acceptable. Hence practice it before-hand, whenever you can.


8. CONCLUSIVELY: Conclusive here also means all-inclusive. It is better to re-cap the entire communication towards the end, of course in brief. This helps in zeroing on to the vital, critical issues in the communication. As mentioned above, clear definition of the subject or the purpose of the entire process aids in concluding properly.


9. COMPLETELY: An effective communication must have a well defined ending, linked to subject. You can gauge the level of all the ‘C’s mentioned above by asking for a feedback. There are several ways to check completion and the easiest is to ask if the message had reached the audience. Structured questionnaires are sometimes used for this purpose, particularly if the communication is to be used further.

10. COST-EFFECTIVELY: This dimension has not even been touched upon in most of the material available on effective communication. In today’s world, however, it has assumed critical importance. It is not easy to make instant cost-benefit analysis of most communications but it is possible to have a fairly good idea. Of course, for any communication to be fruitful, benefits accrued should be more than cost involved. This is particularly true for lectures, training, interactions, etc. for which one has to pay to attend. In addition, your Communication should preferably be either Contemporary or Classic depending on the receiver’s background and also on the ambience. For example, to a young generation next audience, a Contemporary (chic) style and delivery will perhaps be more in order while a group of freedom fighters who took part in India’s struggle for independence would appreciate the Classic approach. Here, Creativity could play a crucial role. One need to be imaginative and a judicious mix of both these modes may help the sender to carry the day, particularly if the audience consists of a mixed bag. However, try and avoid use of clichés and too much jargon.


Obviously, for communication to be effective, it must lead to a mutually acceptable and/or logical conclusion. This also bring about another critical aspect, and that is of Continuity. Thus even though one feels that the communication is complete, it is perhaps only the current phase that is concluded and that too for the time being. The process of Communication is very much on all the time if connectivity of the sender and receiver is ON.



{October 18, 2007}   An Excellent Poem On MOTHER

I was a just-born and she was Twenty-Five,

Though we were we, we were one.

I would cry out in Latin and she would respond in Greek,

I would learn nothing but she never got tired to teach.

 

I was surrounded by monsters eager to pull my cheek,

but they would vanish the moment i was wet and weep.

She would come running and hold me in her arms,

as if i had won the contest of the charms.

 

Now I was able to walk and chew,

hey, i was two.

I and she could now understand each other,

i was her everything and she needed no other.

 

I would try to walk and fall down,

But knowing she was with me, the fear of getting hurt was now gone.

We still could not converse that effectively,

But she would understand my needs so easily.

 

I could now roam about free,

because now i have turned three.

I was ready to join a new world,

my academic life was now gonna mould.

 

She would dress me as best as a prince,

but when i would come back, she would need at least an hour to rinse.

I was now able to talk,

I was a ferry and she was my dock.

 

I still remember the child, whose shirt I had tore,

Hey buddy, i have turned four.

I now came home a little late,

Nevertheless finding her waiting at the gate.

She would hug me and carry me in her arms,

it felt like flying through the farms.

We now did the homework together,

i would spoil the home and she used to work.

 

Years passed and now i was fifteen, and with each year i would forget to

lean.

 

I wouldn’t care for what she said, because now i had become mean.

She would ask me to study for a good future,

but i was busy in a different culture.

Now i had many shes in my life,

i dreamed of having one of them as my wife.

 

I changed a lot which she did not teach,

She would try to hug me but i was out of reach.

She still waited for me at the gate,

but i would look at her with utmost hate.

She would be awake till late in the night,

because i wasn’t home, i was in a fight.

She had so much to scold, but she never did say,

hoping to find me better the next day.

Time went on and now i am grown,

lost in the world of my own.

 

I and she, between us have a river,

I have left her for my career.

When i was young, for me, she sacrificed her ambitions,

but i don’t care, i now have my own mission.

I am not with her now, i am in a different city,

she is so old now but i don’t even pity.

 

She needs me now but i am nowhere to find,

in the race for appraisal, i have become blind.

In a few years from now, i will be two,

there will be in my life someone new.

Then i’ll forget even to bother,

i am her son and she my Mother.



A good read. But really dunno how practical this can be 🙂

This may make more sense to everybody…….
The woman in your life…very well expressed…

 

Tomorrow you may get a working woman, but you should marry with these facts as well.

Here is a girl, who is as much educated as you are; Who is earning almost as much as you do;

One, who has dreams and aspirations just as you have because she is as human as you are;

One, who has never entered the kitchen in her life just like you or your Sister haven’t, as she was busy in studies and competing in a system that gives no special concession to girls for their culinary achievements

One, who has lived and loved her parents & brothers & sisters, almost as much as you do for 20-25 years of her life;

One, who has bravely agreed to leave behind all that, her home, people who love her, to adopt your home, your family, your ways and even your family name

One, who is somehow expected to be a master-chef from day #1, while you sleep oblivious to her predicament in her new circumstances, environment and that kitchen

One, who is expected to make the tea, first thing in the morning and cook food at the end of the day, even if she is as tired as you are, maybe more, and yet never ever expected to complain; to be a servant, a cook, a mother, a wife, even if she doesn’t want to; and is learning just like you are as to what you want from her; and is clumsy and sloppy at times and knows that you won’t like it if she is too demanding, or if she earns faster than you;

One, who has her own set of friends, and that includes boys and even men at her workplace too, those, who she knows from school days and yet is willing to put all that on the back-burners to avoid your irrational jealousy, unnecessary competition and your inherent insecurities;

Yes, she can drink and dance just as well as you can, but won’t, simply because you won’t like it, even though you say otherwise One, who can be late from work once in a while when deadlines, just like yours, are to be met;

One, who is doing her level best and wants to make this most important relationship in her entire life a grand success, if you just help her some and trust her;

One, who just wants one thing from you, as you are the only one she knows in your entire house – your unstilted support, your sensitivities and most importantly – your understanding, or love, if you may call it.

But not many guys understand this…

 

One of the best told stories I read through mails, every word in this is felt and expressed directly from heart….

 

 



A cab driver taught me a million dollar lesson in customer satisfaction and expectation. Motivational speakers charge thousands of dollars to impart his kind of training to corporate executives and staff. It cost me a $12 taxi ride.


I had flown into Dallas for the sole purpose of calling on a client. Time was of the essence and my plan included a quick turnaround trip from and back to the airport. A spotless cab pulled up.

The driver rushed to open the passenger door for me and made sure I was comfortably seated before he closed the door. As he got in the driver’s seat, he mentioned that the neatly folded Wall Street Journal next to me for my use. He then showed me several tapes and asked me what type of music I would enjoy.

Well! I looked around for a “Candid Camera!” Wouldn’t you? I could not believe the service I was receiving! I took the opportunity to say, “Obviously you take great pride in your work. You must have a story to tell.”


“You bet,” he replied, “I used to be in Corporate America. But I got tired of thinking my best would never be good enough. I decided to find my niche in life where I could feel proud of being the best I could be.

I knew I would never be a rocket scientist, but I love driving cars, being of service and feeling like I have done a full day’s work and done it well. I evaluate my personal assets and… wham! I became a cab driver.

One thing I know for sure, to be good in my business I could simply just meet the expectations of my passengers. But, to be GREAT in my business, I have to EXCEED the customer’s expectations! I like both the sound and the return of being ‘great’ better than just getting by on ‘average'”


Did I tip him big time? You bet! Corporate America’s loss is the traveling folk’s friend!
—–

Lessons:

  • Go an Extra Mile when providing any Service to others.
  • The is no good or bad job. You can make any job good.
  • Good service always brings good return.


Swami Vivekananda

WORK AND ITS SECRETS


Los Angles, California, January 4, 1900

 

One of the greatest lessons I have learnt in my life is to pay as much attention to the means of work as to its end. He was a great man from whom I learnt it , and his own life was a practical demonstration of this great principle. I have been always learning great lessons from that one principle, and it appears to me that all the secret of life is there; to pay as much attention to means as to the end.

 

Our great defect in life is that we are so much drawn to the ideal , the goal is so much more enchanting so much more alluring, so much bigger in our mental horizon, that we lose sight of the details altogether.

 

But whenever failure comes, if we analyze it critically, in ninety nine percent of cases we shall find that it was because we did not pay attention to the means. Proper attention to the finishing, strengthening of the means is what we need. With the means all right, the end must come. We forget that it is the cause that produces the effect; the effect cannot come by itself; and unless the causes are exact, proper, and powerful, the effect will not be produced. Once the ideal is chosen and the means determined, we may almost let go of the ideal, because we are sure it will be there, there is no more difficulty about the effect . The effect is bound to come. If we take care of the cause, the effect will take care of itself. The realization of the ideal is the effect. The means are the cause : attention to the means, therefore, is the great secret of life. We also read this in the Gita and learn that we have to work , constantly work with all our power ; to put our whole mind in the work. Whatever it might be, that we are doing. At the same time, we must not be attached. That is to say, we must not be drawn away form the work by anything else; still, we must be able to quit the work whenever we like.

 

If we examine our own lives, we find that the greatest cause of sorrow is this : we take up something, and put our whole energy on it – perhaps it is a failure and yet we cannot give it up. We know that is hurting us, that any further clinging to it is simply bringing misery on us; still, we cannot tear ourselves away from it. The Bee came to sip the honey, but its feet stuck to the honey pot and it could not get away. Again and again, we are finding ourselves in that state. That is the whole secret of existence. Why are we here? We came here to sip the honey, and we find our hands and feet sticking to it. We are caught, though we came to catch. We came to rule; we are being ruled. We came to work; we are being worked. All the time, we find that. And this comes into every detail of our life. We are being worked upon by other minds, and we are always struggling to work on other minds. We want to enjoy the pleasures of life; and they eat into our vitals. We want to get everything from nature, but we find in the long run that nature takes everything from us – depletes us , and casts us aside.

Had it not been for this, life would have been all sunshine. Never mind! With all the failure and success,  with all its joys and sorrows, it can be one succession of sunshine, if only we are not caught.

 

That is the one cause of misery: we are attached, we are being caught. Therefore says Gita: Work constantly; work, but be not attached; be not caught. Reserve unto yourself the power of detaching yourself from everything, however beloved, however much the soul might yearn for it, however great the pangs of misery you fee if you were going to leave it; still, reserve the power of leaving it whenever you want. The weak have no place here, in this life or in any other life. Weakness leads to slavery. Weakness leads to all kinds of misery, physical and mental. Weakness is death. There are hundreds of thousands of microbes surrounding us, but they cannot harm us unless we become weak, until the body is ready and predisposed to receive the. There may be a million microbes of misery, floating about us. Never mind! They dare not approach us, they have no power to get a hold on us, until the mind is weakened. This is the great fact: strength is life, weakness is death.

 

Attachment is the source of all our pleasures now. We are attached to our friends, to our relatives; we are attached to our intellectual and spiritual works; we are attached to external object, so that we get pleasure form them. What, again, brings misery but this very attachment? We have to detach ourselves to earn joy. If only we had the power to detach ourselves to earn joy. If only we had power to detach ourselves at will, there would not be any misery. That man alone will be able to get the best of nature, he/she has the power of attaching himself to a thing with all his energy, has also the power to detach himself when he should do so. The difficulty is that there must be power to attachment as that of detachment. There are men who are never attracted by anything. They can never love, they are hard hearted and apathetic; they escape most of the miseries But the wall never feels misery, and the wall never loves, is never hurt; but it is the wall, after all. Surely it is better to be attached and caught, than to be a wall. Therefore the man who never loves, who is hard and stony, escaping most of the miseries of life, escapes also its joys. We do not want that. That is weakness that is death.

 

That soul has not been awakened that never feels weakness, never feels misery. That is a callous state. We don’t want that. At the same time, we not only want this mighty power of love, this mighty power of attachment, the power of throwing our whole soul upon a single object, loosing ourselves and letting ourselves be annihilated, as it were, for other souls which is the power of gods. The perfect man can put his whole soul upon that one point of love, yet he is unattached. How come this? There is another secret to learn.

 

The beggar is never happy. The beggar only gets a dole with pity and scorn behind it, at least with the thought behind that the beggar is a low object. He never really enjoys what he gets.

We are all beggars. Whatever we do we want a return. We are all traders. We are traders in life, we are traders in virtue, and we are traders in religion. And alas! We are also traders in Love.

 

If you come to trade, if it is a question of give and take, if it is a question of buy and sell, abide by the laws of buying and selling. There is a bad time and there is a good time; there is a rise and a fall in prices: always you expect the blow to come. It is like looking at the mirror. Your face is reflected: you make a grim face there is one in the mirror; if you laugh, the mirror laugh. This is buying and selling, giving and taking.

 

We get caught. How? Not by what we give, but by what we expect. We get misery in return for our love; not form the fact that we love, but from the fact that we want love in rerun. There is no misery where there is no want. Desire, want, is the father of all misery. Desire is bound by the laws of success and failure. Desires must bring misery.

 

The great secret of true success, of true happiness, is this: the man who asks for no return, the perfectly unselfish man, is the most successful. It seems to be a paradox. Do we not know that every man who is unselfish in life gets cheated, gets hurt? Apparently, Yes. “Christ was unselfish, and yet he was crucified.” True, but we know that his unselfishness is the reason, the cause of a great victory the crowning of millions upon millions of lives with the blessings of true success.

 

Ask nothing; want nothing in return. Give what your have to give; it will come back to you but multiplied a thousand fold but the attention must not be on that. Yet have the power to give: give, and there it ends. Learn that the whole of life is giving. That nature will force you to give. So give willingly. Sooner of later your will have to give up. You come into life to accumulate. With clenched hands you want to take. But nature puts a hand on your throat and makes your hands open. Whether your will it on not, you have to give. The moment you say, “I will not”. The blow comes; you are hurt. None is there but will be compelled, in the long run, to give everything. And the more one struggles against this law, the more miserable one feels. It is because we dare not give, because we are not resigned enough to accede to this grand demand of nature, that we are miserable. The forest is gone, but we get heat in return. The sun is taking up water from the ocean, to return it in showers. Are you a machine for taking and giving: you take, in order to give. Ask, therefore, nothing in return; but the more you give, the more will come to you. The quicker it will be filed up by the external air; and if you close all the doors and every aperture, that which is within will remain, but that which is outside will never come in, and that which is within will stagnate, degenerate, and become poisoned. As river is continually emptying itself into the ocean and is continually filing up again. Bar not the exit in to the ocean. The moment you do that , death seizes you.

 

Be, therefore, not a beggar; be unattached. This is the most terrible task of life! You do not calculate the dangers on the path. Even by intellectually recognizing the difficulties, we really don’t know them until we feel them. From a distance we may get a general view of a park; well, what of that? We feel and really know it when we are in it. Even if our every attempt is a failure and we bleed and torn asunder, yet, through all this, we have to preserve our heart we must assert our God head in the midst of all these difficulties. Nature wants us to react, to return blow for blow, cheating for cheating, lie for lie, to hit back with all our might. Then it requires a super divine power not to hit back, to keep control, to be unattached.

 

Every day we renew our determination to be unattached. We cast our eyes back and look at the past object of our love and attachment, and feel how every one of them made us miserable. We went down into the depths of despondency because of our “love”! We found ourselves mere slaves in the hands of others, we were dragged down and down! And we make a fresh determination: “Henceforth, I will be master of myself; henceforth, I will have control over myself.” But the time comes, and the same story once more! Again the soul is caught and cannot get out. The bird is in a net, struggling and fluttering; this is our life.

 

I know the difficulties. Tremendous they are, and ninety percent of us become discourage and lose heart, and in our turn, often become pessimists and cease to believe in sincerity, love, and all that is grand and noble. So , we find men who in the freshness of their lives have been forgiving, kind, simple, and guileless, become in old age lying masks of men. Their minds are a mass of intricacy. There may be a good deal of external policy, possibly. They are not hot headed they do not speak, but it would be better for then to do so; their hearts are dead and, therefore, they do not speak, They do not curse, not become angry; but it would be better for them to be able to be angry; a thousand times better , to be able to curse. They cannot. There is death in the heart, for cold hands have seized upon it, and it can no more act, even act, even to utter a curse, even to use a harsh word.

 

All this we have to avoid; therefore I say, we require super divine power. Super human power is not strong enough. Super divine strength is the only way, the one way out. By it alone we can pass through all these intricacies, through these showers of miseries, unscathed. We may be cut to pieces , torn asunder, yet our hearts must grow nobler a nobler all the time.

 

It is very difficult, but we can overcome the difficulty by constant practice. We must learn that nothing can happen to us, unless we make ourselves susceptible to it. I have just said, no disease can come to me until the body is ready; it does not depend alone on the germs, but upon a certain predisposition which is already in the body. We get only that for which we are fitted. Let us give up our pride and understand this that there is never a misery which is undeserved, there never has been a blow undeserved: there never has been evil for which I did not pave the way with my own hands. We ought to know that every blow you have received, came to you because you prepared yourselves for it. You did half, and the external world did the other half: that is how the blow came. That will sober us down. At the same time, from this very analysis will come a note of hope, and the note of hope is: ” I have no control of external world, but that which is in me and nearer unto me, my own world, is in my control. If the two together are required to make a failure, if the two together are necessary to give me a blow, I will not contribute the one which is in my keeping; and how then can the blow come? If I get real control of myself, the blow will never come.”

 

We are all the time, form our childhood, trying to lay blame upon something outside ourselves. We are always standing up to set right other people, and not ourselves. If we are miserable, we say, “Oh, the world is a devil’s world.” We curse others and say, “What infatuated fools!” But why should we be in such a world, if we really are so good? If this is a devil’s world, we must be devils also; why else should we be here? “Oh, the people of the world are so selfish!” True enough, but why should we be found in that company, if we be better? Just think of that. We only get what we deserve. It is a lie when we say, the world, is bad and we are good. It can never be so. It is terrible lie we tell ourselves. This is the first lesson to learn: be determined not to curse anything outside, not to lay the blame upon any one outside, but be a man, stand up. Lay the blame on yourself. You will find, that is always true. Get hold of yourself.

 
If it not a shame that at one moment we talk so much of our manhood , of our being gods that we know everything, we can do everything, we are blameless. Spotless, the most unselfish people in the world; and at the next moment a little stone huts us, a little anger makes “these gods” miserable! Should this be so if we are such gods? Is if true that the world is to blame? Could God , who is the purest and the noblest of should, be made miserable by any of our tricks? If you are of unselfish, You are like God. What world can hurt you? You would go through the seventh hell unscathed, untouched, But the very fact that you complain and want to lay the blame upon the external world shows that you feel the external world the very fact that you feel shows that you are not what you claim to be. You only make your offence greater by heaping misery upon misery, By imagining that the external world is hurting our , and crying out, “Oh , this devil’s world! This man hurts me; that man hurts me!” and so forth. It is adding lies to misery.

 

We are to take care of ourselves that much we can do and give up attending to others for a time. let us perfect the means; the end will take care of itself. For the world can be good and pure, only if our lives are good and pure. It is an effect, and we are the means. Therefore, let us purify ourselves. Let us make ourselves perfect.



et cetera